Friday, December 31, 2010

Out with the old...

Around New Years I have my Anne Shirley moments.  For me, it’s not: every day is a fresh start, with no mistakes in it.  My mistakes tend to have slumber parties and even crash for a whole week.   Instead, it is: every year is a fresh start, a gas station to refuel the car, toss trash, buy soda and junk food , and pee before taking on the next 300 (give or take) miles to the next one.  I admit that I have been fearful of looking back over last year.  It wasn’t so pretty.   But when I do, I see that it was not all bad.  It was difficult.  I probably gave myself a few wrinkles.  But there are some things I would never give back.
Well, there’s the obvious, so pretend I mentioned it and we’ll just move on.
The other obvious.  It took a while, but I have gotten better. Promise.
Those were the two big ones. Compared to the mind boggling stature of these two things, any other negatives seem insignificant (Think: waves caused by the Japanese Olympic divers compared to the Canadians).  I guess this realization and perspective it brought with it; that what I’ve always considered to be gignormous life altering Godzillas, are actually small and mildly loveable woodland ninjas, might actually be a positive?
I went to Europe
I went to Europe alone
I didn’t die when I went to Europe alone.
I took improv classes.  I stood in front of people.  I made a fool of myself.
I learned how to approach people and talk to them without the thought “Why would this person want to talk to me?
I was in a musical: Yes, a small one (laugh if you will) but this is something I’ve always wanted to do, and I did it.  Yay me!
I had a party and almost 40 people came (Granted, there may have been blackmail involved)!  (Goodbye 11th birthday party that I’ve been holding onto for 15 years when only one person showed up out of the 30 that I invited)
I’ve reconnected with several people that I rationally thought I would never see again.
My sister wrote a book...can this be my positive?
I became closer to people I love.  Yes, I mean you! 
I lost 25 pounds and found my cheek bones(gained 5-10? Back...mmmmm chocolate).
I gained…um…perspective
So, there are technically more positives than negatives here.  However, I’m not going to pretend that they outweigh the negatives.  There were some pretty big negatives this year.  But I think, that next year, the first one will slowly become a positive, or at least neutral.  The second one?  Well, it sucks. And it will never really stop sucking. It will continue to get better, but there will always be a pang.  However, there were some pretty life alteringly great things that happened as well. And…what’s always a good thing to know around this time of year: I would not go back to being the person I was 12/31/2009.  I like who I’m becoming and I intend to continue down this path.  Which leads me to:  Watch for tomorrow’s blog: My New Years resolutions! (That’s not actually what it will be called…because that’s a stupid name).
Now (to all three people that may...or may this blog): what are some positive experiences you had this year?  

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Yellow Bouncy Ball

Up until last week, mine was the only cubicle in a row of four that did not contain a precious bouncy-ball.  These weren’t typical, small colored balls, like the ones you would receive as a prize by the dentist for brushing your teeth.  These were bright, squishy, large, and smooth; made of flexible plastic.

Periodically, throughout the day, you could make out the woooooosh….thunk of a red, yellow, or blue ball, rising and falling; visible for a moment over the top of the cubicle walls.  Team-mates became closer as jovial (not work appropriate) jokes were exchanged. 
No one could quite trace when they first appeared or where they came from and I never knew why I was not blessed with my share of sunlight.  I wanted to be able to lean back in my uncomfortable desk chair, stare at the ceiling, and feel the momentary pressure of smooth plastic as it perched for a moment in my hand, before being released into the universe.
One week ago, while my co-worker was on vacation, I caved.  I meant to give it back.
Progress was slow at first, my hands unfamiliar with the rhythm.  Soon enough, I was a machine.  I was part of something, I at last understood.
But then she came back.  I waited, holding my breath, the ball pressed against my heavily beating heart, my face slowly turning blue from lack of air.  She was torturing me with waiting.
Tentatively I peeped around the corner, “So, I took the bouncy ball off your desk while you were gone.”
Eyes turned to me, empty of emotion, “Oh, yeah, I think I stole that from somebody else.”
My head exploded.
Thunking was silenced, Giddy ball jokes were no more.  Yellow turned to gray, withering in underuse.
I am plagued with the question: Did my deceit and theft cause the end of an era?  It must have.  Because the alternative; that this could have happened before, without my notice, is unthinkable.   

Monday, December 27, 2010

Just do it

It’s now time to try this blog thing a third and final (although this probably should be true, the outlook is not positive.  What’s that overly known/used definition of foolishness again?) time.
It’s easy enough to put off one family member’s begging for followship of their blog.  Two family members is an entirely different matter.  I’m not built to sustain prolonged and building pressure from multiple sources.  So, if you stumble across this blog, please follow the shiny towards: and  Just do it. It’s important.
Glissades and Gabble belongs to my sister.  She’s trying to publish a fully written novel, so needs as many people personally invested in her future as possible.  She’s brilliant, so please, follow her blog.
Sew Delightful belongs to my mother.  She’s a major part of an up-and-coming charity with a goal to give all little girls around the world a new dress to wear (Also, to bring awareness…which we could all use). She also likes exclamation points.

Now that I’ve done my bit of advertising, that leaves me.  I have not written a book (although I would like to) and I am not helping to run a charity.  I'm just me.  I mentioned my two previous blogs.  (a) was an attempted dating column (during my viewage of Sex and the City days), because I’m so successful in that area!  This site lasted for only two posts and shortly became oppressively depressing due to the death of a close friend.  It got to the point that I could no longer face it and thus, haven’t looked at it in a year.
Blog (b) was a mostly successful travel blog, created by my soon to be ex. Husband.  It was personalized and quite lovely.  However, it has seemingly (hmmmmmm…) imploded into the abyss in the last few months. Try the link. Seriously (  I dare you to select “Run.”  Yeah, it's true, nothing happens.
So, here I stand at my third attempt.  I could admit failure and follow the blogs that I must, sitting on a page devoid of content (which is what you should do if you’re not keen on blogging, in order to follow the blogs I’ve pointed you to). Empty-nothingness is depressing to me (although, it should not be to you.  Do I have to repeat myself?).  Thus, I’ve decided to give it another go, a concerted effort, a valiant attempt; as though my thoughts are worthwhile enough to throw out into the world to see if they stick anywhere (aside from the underside of someone’s shoe…although that does have value).
So yes, follow these people (and me too, if you so desire).  Just do it. It’s important.
Final thought:  Sarah, update your blog.